Last Sunday afternoon I was invited to the home of the Alex
family. My friend Victoria had invited
me to come after mass, saying that her mother wanted to plait my hair, meaning
put it into African braids. I was more
than willing to let her play with my hair and to spend a little bit of time outside
of our compound. The afternoon quickly
became evening, and at the day’s end, I was sure it’d been not only one of my
favorite experiences up-to-date, but one of the most memorable afternoons that I’d
have in my South Sudanese adventure.
The Alex children are some of the most active in our parish
and school and many of them are very close to our Salesian community. They live only a short walk from our
compound, and participate in almost every activity we offer. Of their 12 children, six are enrolled in our
Primary School, three of the boys are altar servers and come for daily morning
mass and games every evening, two girls are in the choir, and all of them are
darling. Mary, the mother of their
family, is the head of the Parent Teacher Association in our school and is an
all-around great mother. She has raised
all her children to be responsible, courteous, and respectful, while still
being free-spirited, joyful kids. They
are some of the best around.
After arriving on the compound, Victoria immediately showed
Cait and me to her room, which was one of the nicest we’d seen. She then served us a full lunch, of chicken,
rice, and bread. (Absolutely incredible
because a) people here never eat lunch, they eat one meal a day at dinner time;
b) people here rarely get bread, a particular treat; and c) people here NEVER
eat meat, except on holidays and feast days.
Her generosity and love towards us is extraordinary.) With extremely full bellies, the hair
plaiting commenced, taking over two hours to complete. We had such a nice time throughout, the whole
family sat in the little house we were plaiting inside, talking, singing,
taking photos, playing cards, and even a football match transpired. Mary was so sweet, I think she really
enjoyed herself too.
After my fantastic, new hairstyle was finished, the family invited
me to sit and spend the rest of the afternoon.
We sat preparing supper together: peeling peanuts, de-stemming spinach
leaves, grinding oil fruits, and enjoying good company and good conversation. They walked me through their gorgeous garden,
full of pineapples, guava fruits, bananas, cassava, and so much more. The boys played ball in the yard, the men
worked on the motorbike, and everyone was just together.
A few impressions remained with me at the day’s end: the
good, the sad, and the beautiful.
The Good: Family life. Family is the center of everything here. Generations and extended families live all together in one place, sharing
everything and enjoying life together.
They’re without distraction. The
kids can’t jump in the car and head out with friends, to sports practice, or
anywhere else really. They don’t plop in
front of the television or go hide at the other end of the house. They don’t have iPhones, facebook, or digital
technology to hide behind. They’re
together, all the time. Sure they have
some activity that take them away from the house for a few hours a day, but
otherwise, they’re enjoying the simple companionship of the people who are most
important.
The Sad: The
stark contrast between men and women.
Seeing the family unit up close that day confirmed what we’d heard again
and again, and witnessed from afar, about the expectations of women versus
men. After the hair braiding had
finished, all the girls, from Mama Mary down through the 6-year-old, Cecilia,
spent the afternoon preparing the evening meal.
That is, all except for Sarah, who spent over two hours ironing all of
her siblings’ school uniforms. When Mr.
Alex saw me helping with cooking and learning from his girls, he first asked
how long I planned on staying in South Sudan, and then, after I said that I didn’t
know, he quickly remarked, “I want to marry you to my son.” Nice.
While I imagine a compliment exists somewhere behind those words, I knew
he’d said it because he saw I was capable of doing housework. Meanwhile, all the boys were enjoying their
Sunday afternoon. Don’t get me wrong,
everyone was enjoying; they were all together, sharing good conversation and
good company. (The Alex’s all speak
English well, which is a rarity and a pleasure for me!) But while the girls spent their time doing
chores, the boys were playing games, running around, and being kids. This picture is the cultural norm, the
expectation of a South Sudanese wife and daughter. The women carry the water, care for the children,
prepare all the food, do all the cleaning.
The husband buys his wife from her parents at a high price of
dowry, and from then onward, they are expected to fulfill a very demanding
role. This mentality must somehow
change, but it will be a slow process.
I really felt loved.
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Just when I think my heart has reached its capacity from the
love I am able to give and receive in this place, Jesus expands it a little bit
more, in the exact way I am most in need.
